DEAR ABBY: My married acquaintance is a swinger. She claims that her husband’s sexual desire has decreased recently, but it has not. He persists in attempting to engage in “naughty” conversation with me, but I always decline. To me, that would constitute betrayal of a friend. He has urged her to acquire a live-in girlfriend. I asked her what she believed would occur if she and he both decided to do the same thing. She does not believe he will do so, although I do.
I treasure our friendship, Abby. If I were to reveal his late-night routines, she would be hurt. If I don’t tell her and she discovers the truth, it will also harm her. He apologizes after each and every try. If he continues to repeat his actions, his apologies carry little weight. Due to his late-night solicitations, I have avoided spending time with her as of late. What am I to do? — DISCONNECTED IN THE SOUTH
DEAR OFFENDED: Notify him that his advances are unwelcome and that he should stop phoning you; if he does not, you will tell your buddy. If he persists, tell your buddy how long this has been going on and that you’ve been hesitant to tell her, but it’s gotten to the point where you no longer want to be around her. After that, she will have the initiative.
DEAR ABBY: My married adult son has a newborn son. I recently discovered that he is the victim of domestic violence. He kept it a secret from us, but we learned the truth when law enforcement became involved. My son loves his bride and wants their marriage to succeed. I have no idea how to negotiate special occasions and holidays when we encounter them. How would you engage with this woman knowing your adult son is being harmed by his wife? — UNEASY IN ARIZONA
DEAR UNEASY: Be happy that the fact that your daughter-in-law is an abusive spouse is now documented. Before the upcoming holidays, you and your spouse should have a conversation with your son about why he has tolerated the abuse and what options he has. Is she so out of control that, in a fit of wrath, she could harm the infant? They’re receiving counseling, right? Has he discussed this matter with an attorney?
Stop Abuse for Everyone would be a wonderful support group for your son (stopabuseforeveryone.org). Once he makes contact, he will find that he is far from the only mistreated husband. Additionally, he needs to know that you will always be there for him, so when the holidays arrive, be “courteous” and keep your eyes open.
DEAR ABBY: This September, two of my friends’ daughters will be marrying for the second time. I have given both women gifts for their first weddings. What is the proper protocol for the second go around? — WANTS TO KNOW IN MONTANA
IF YOU PLAN TO ATTEND THE WEDDING, THE RULE IS TO GIVE SOMETHING LESS EXPENSIVE THIS TIME ALONG WITH YOUR BEST WISHES FOR THE FUTURE.
Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, writes Dear Abby, which was started by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or Los Angeles, California 90069, P.O. Box 69440.
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