Love Island’s latest season, which is nearing the conclusion of its first week, has already enraged people who are concerned about the age gap between Islanders Gemma Owen who is 19 years old, and the season’s first bombshell, Davide Sanclimenti who is 27 years old.
The pair kissed and soon became coupled up, prompting viewers to ask why a 27-year-old would be interested in dating a 19-year-old, and why the age difference had not been addressed by both the islanders and producers.
Last night, on the fourth episode of the season, the two finally brought it up briefly in the conversation below:
Davide asked Gemma, ‘How are you feeling about the fact I’m much older than you?’ .
‘I mean, you are not bothered by that?’
Gemma replied, ‘As I’ve said, I’ve been speaking to guys and seeing guys who are much older than me,’ she replied. ‘It’s not something that I’m not used to or you’re the only one or anything like that.
‘It’s very normal for me, so for me it’s not an issue but I feel like for you, is it an issue?’
After assuring her that he had no reservations too, Davide said a classic line: ‘I actually say sometimes you are much older than me.’
In other words: you’re very mature for your age, ‘ he emphasized.
Yes, it’s a complement on the surface, but it’s a red flag underneath.
While we’re certain Davide had no malicious intentions, it’s crucial to recognize how dangerous this statement may be in age gap relationships.
Cathy Press, a relationship-focused psychotherapist, tells Metro.co.uk that ‘An older person telling a younger person they are mature could be seen as grooming’.
‘This would be a classic Charmer behaviour, telling her the kind of things she wants to hear from the start or in the early stages of coupling up with him she added.
‘He could be saying these things to lead her to believe he respects her maturity and finds that attractive, which can make a younger person feel super grown up and respected.’
While this is acceptable if the sentiment is genuine, senior therapist Sally Baker believes it excuses the age difference.
‘[A comment like the above] is used to justify an age gap that a part of someone feels embarrassed or uncomfortable about,’ she explains.
‘They are pointing out a younger person’s exceptional maturity to as a way to gloss over the obvious.’
Sally believes that the fact that the age gap has been brought up at all indicates that they are aware of it and that it may be bothersome.
And why would an older person wish to do such a thing? Because young people are far more susceptible.
‘Younger people are easier to impress and less critical,’ Sally says.
‘When you’ve been around the block a few times, you’re more aware of red flags and toxic behaviour, so you’re more careful.
‘Younger people are the most vulnerable to bad behaviour because they don’t have the life experience to see it coming, and they get caught out.
‘Whereas older people know what they want – they want honesty and authenticity – and they know what that looks like, so they won’t stand for less.’
However, as Sally points out, maturity is more about life experience than it is about age.
However, she claims that the difference in life experience can lead to a power imbalance in the long run, particularly if the elder partner is condescending or dominating.
While Davide’s comment may not raise an immediate red flag for everyone, and it could be entirely well-intentioned in this setting, it’s worth being on a look out for this typical statement and asking what it means.