In her memoir, “iCarly” star Jennette McCurdy described her abusive relationship with her mother.
She stated that her mother pushed McCurdy, age 11, and her brother, age 16, to shower together.
McCurdy stated on “Red Table Talk” that she now identifies it as a control strategy and described others her mother employed.
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On the season premiere of “Red Table Talk,” “iCarly” star Jennette McCurdy discussed her late mother’s physical and emotional abuse, including forced showers at age 11, with her 16-year-old brother.
The actress best recognized for her role as Sam Puckett, McCurdy, penned the biography “I’m Glad My Mom Died.” In it, she asserts that her mother Debra subjected her to physical and psychological abuse until her death from cancer in 2013.
On “Red Table Talk,” McCurdy described some of the control techniques she claims her mother Debra employed, such as teaching her daughter calorie restriction at the age of 11 and forcing McCurdy and her brother to take showers with her, claiming they wouldn’t do a good enough job of washing themselves.
McCurdy informed “Red Table Talk” hosts Jada Pinkett Smith, Adrienne Banfield Norris, and Willow Smith that the showers included genital and breast checks to check for cancer, as her mother explained.
McCurdy claims she began dreaded showers at the age of six, but did not get why until much later.
McCurdy claimed that her childhood home was a scene of “chaos” and “turbulence.”
According to McCurdy, her mother’s hoarding forced her and her three older brothers to sleep on floor mats. McCurdy added that the family’s neighbor frequently threatened to call Child Protective Services when he heard screaming matches through the front door. McCurdy stated that Debra frequently chased their father Mark around the home with a kitchen knife and refused to attend counseling.
Even though McCurdy never felt safe, she did not consider her mother’s behavior wrong until she accompanied her to the doctor at age 11. There, her mother appeared to share the doctor’s concern regarding McCurdy’s low body mass. On “Red Table Talk,” Debra praised McCurdy for eating as little as possible in order to seem skinny and young.
Five years prior to the doctor’s appointment, McCurdy recalls fearing baths with her mother and brother.
She stated that Debra would claim McCurdy did not know how to wash and care for her curly hair, therefore she was required to wash it for her. She also explained that she had “too much to accomplish” and that bathing McCurdy and her brother together would expedite the process.
Debra died in 2013. Since then, according to McCurdy, she has attended treatment to recover from the violent relationship dynamic. Although her mother was never diagnosed with a mental issue, McCurdy’s therapist believes that Debra suffered from bipolar disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, or a mix of these conditions.
McCurdy states that her toxic relationship with her mother continues to impact her current relationships.
McCurdy stated on “Red Table Talk” that she is still in counseling to undo the harmful codependence her mother taught her as a child. She stated that she constantly looks for narcissism in possible relationships.
She concealed her emotions from her mother for so long to make her happy that she was incapable of naming any of them when she began visiting a therapist.
Because her mother had been diagnosed with cancer, McCurdy felt she could never say “no” to her. As an adult, she recoiled at the slightest touch from others. If someone reached for a hug, McCurdy might think, “I can’t give them what they want,” and draw away.
On the episode of “Red Table Talk,” trauma therapist Kelly McDaniel explained that this is a common response among girls who have been physically abused by their mothers.
According to McDaniel, a codependent mother-daughter relationship simulates a marriage. This makes it harder for the daughter to develop sexual independence.
McCurdy stated that she is still attempting to recover from her childhood. Today, she remains friendly with her brothers, but she has no intention of forgiving her late mother.
My therapist asked me one day, ‘What if you don’t have to work towards forgiveness?’ after I had spent a significant amount of time pursuing it.
According to McCurdy, giving up on forgiveness allowed her to let go of guilt.