DEAR ABBY: I am divorced and have dated my male companion for five years. We realized after we began dating that we love each other, and after a year of dating, we decided to move in together. I reached out to my guy’s ex-wife and kid as a polite gesture because I was so ecstatic when we began making plans.
I attempted to reassure her that I understood how stressful a large wedding may be and that I would not be insulted if I was not invited to the wedding. I was not a guest. The first time I met his ex-wife and children after the wedding was agonizing. His daughter was really disagreeable to me.
Now, many years later, the situation remains unchanged. If I request to be Facebook friends with his daughter, she approves but restricts what I may view. This is laughable. After five years, I would like to close that door gently. Is that cruel or reasonable? — ATTEMPTED AGAIN AND AGAIN
DEAR TRIED: When you reached out to your partner’s daughter, you may have been too forward. It appears to be a kind and thoughtful gesture, unless your relationship was the cause of his divorce. Have you discussed it with your partner? Maybe he can help. This condition will not improve if the door is “gently closed.” You need not monitor his adult daughter’s Facebook activity. (If she despised you, she would completely block you.) I advocate taking a step back and maintaining the status quo because it wouldn’t be harmful.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 25 years and have been together for 30. We have four excellent adult children and four lovely grandchildren. We began our family at an early age and are now in our 50s. My spouse wants to move closer to one of our children so he can help with the children, but I’m eager to explore the world. We have had numerous raucous discussions about my unwillingness to raise children again. I adore my grandchildren, but as a mother since the age of 16, I’m enjoying my newfound independence.
Our son and his wife are both successful professionals. They can afford high-quality child care, so I don’t understand why we should uproot our life and relocate hours away to be on-call babysitters. I’m beginning to detest his persistent “persuasion” and comments that relocating is something that “most grandma would love to do.” Advice? — STAYING PUT IN FLORIDA
DEAR STAYING: Since you have raised four great children since you were 16 years old, your emotions are understandable. I will suppose that your husband desires to uproot you because he is retired and has nothing worthwhile to do. If you are not similarly thrilled about becoming an on-call babysitter, you should not allow him to wear you down. If you have the means to travel, you deserve to do so. He may use that time to see your son and his family and provide them with a break while your absence. Thus, you will both be engaged in an activity you enjoy.
Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, writes Dear Abby, which was started by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or Los Angeles, California 90069, P.O. Box 69440.
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