DEAR ABBY: My hubby has been deceased for two years. I hope you can advise me on how to interact with my 53-year-old daughter who has never left the house. We get along nicely in general. She is a freelance artist, although her earnings are little. She just provides $30 every month. Additionally, she has a fear of driving, thus she does not drive. She expects me to transport her to several destinations.
She has no offline pals. She wants to travel but doesn’t want to go alone, and she keeps pressuring me to accompany her, despite the fact that I don’t want to. I have recommended group excursions, but she is hesitant to travel alone. I feel compelled to maintain harmony and comply with her wishes. How do I approach this situation? — PULLING BACK IN NEVADA
DEAR PULLING BACK: You have long sheltered and enabled your daughter. Inform her that her reliance on you has grown excessive. She must overcome her fear of driving (or at least utilize public transit) and her reluctance to go without you. Unless you have made financial provisions for her in the case of your death, how do you believe she would survive as a virtual recluse without job and life skills? Psychotherapists who specialize in treating phobias are available. While she’s there, your daughter should also receive assistance in gaining some degree of independence, even if it’s 30 years too late.
DEAR ABBY: Recently, my three adult children contributed to a birthday supper for their aunt. She is 79 years old and has no needs; she never leaves the house. Financially, she is in good condition. They placed an order, which totaled $95. Abby, my elderly mother went insane! She felt that amount was inadequate for their aunt.
I believe my children were thoughtful. They are all attempting to construct their life. One has two children, a mortgage, and a home. The other individual is currently engaged and saving for a wedding. The third individual is saving for the future. My mother believes that her grandkids should provide her with presents and cash. She should expect money from her own children, not her grandchildren. I terminated the call when she assaulted my children. She constantly believes she is correct. Your opinions? — LIVING WITH A DIFFICULT MOM
DEAR LIVING: Was Auntie content with her meal? Your mother may believe she is always correct, but she was in error when she criticized the amount your children spent on an aunt’s dinner. That she would then proclaim she expected money and gifts from them is beyond arrogant. The decision about the gift is made by the donor, not the receiver.
DEAR ABBY: Ten months ago, my sister passed away from lung cancer. Due to too many memories, my brother-in-law no longer wants to remain in the house they shared, so he is handing it to his daughter and moving into an apartment. My other sister is planning a housewarming celebration for him. Is that acceptable? — BEAUTIFUL IN THE EAST
DEAR WELL-MEANING: As long as it’s okay with your brother-in-law, of course. Not only is it acceptable, but it is also a caring, pleasant gesture and a celebration of life. Congrats to her!
Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, writes Dear Abby, which was started by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or Los Angeles, California 90069, P.O. Box 69440.