DEAR ABBY: It has been wonderful to be with my lover for the past three years. However, he has severe anger issues that occasionally disrupt our relationship. It began with minor disagreements here and there. As our connection developed, though, his mood swings and fury intensified.
Never has he struck me. Recently, though, his wrath has increased, and he apologizes for saying terrible things to me. During our disputes, he never pays attention to what I say. When the disagreement is ended and I explain how he damaged my feelings a few days later, he tells me I’m excessively sensitive and to let the past be the past.
During our most recent dispute, he inquired how to obtain expert assistance. How may I assist him? Am I stupid for remaining with this person? Although I adore him, I’m not sure how much longer I can tolerate his constant anger. — BROKEN IN CALIFORNIA
Ask your doctor or insurance provider for a referral to a psychologist who can assist your partner or enroll him in a program on anger management. It’s fortunate that he recognizes his need for expert assistance.
Although my initial inclination would be to advise you to stop the relationship, the fact that he is self-aware enough to recognize that he needs assistance makes me tempted to suggest you continue with him for a while longer and see the efficacy of the therapy. However, please be aware that verbal abusers frequently become physical abusers if they do not receive assistance, and that verbal abuse is detrimental to your self-esteem.
DEAR ABBY: I was a member of a committee that just hired a professional-level employee for my organization. Candidates must possess a bachelor’s degree or above to be eligible. We got more than thirty applications and opted to interview three people who appeared to be excellent on paper.
During the interview, one of them had his phone on and it rang continuously with incoming texts. When asked if she had any questions for us, a second individual grabbed her phone from her jacket pocket and began swiping the screen, stating that she had some inquiries on her phone. Abby, she had a notebook in front of her, so why wasn’t she writing her questions there?
I found it unnerving that these two applicants couldn’t put down their phones long enough to conduct a job interview! I wondered if they could disengage from their cellphones long enough to perform their duties if they were recruited. Is it indicative of my age and values that I believe a job interview should be a phone-free zone? What is the proper protocol in this circumstance? — REJECTED IN THE SOUTH
DEAR UNIMPRESSED: A job candidate is expected to be well-prepared prior to an interview. During the interview, cell phones should be switched off or placed on mute so as not to be a distraction. Ensure the candidate knows this before to the interview. Regarding Candidate Two, she should have ideally written her questions on the notebook she brought, but people of her generation frequently do it on their mobile devices. A younger interviewer could have overlooked this. You didn’t. Next candidate!
Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, writes Dear Abby, which was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or Los Angeles, California 90069, P.O. Box 69440.
»Dear Abby, My partner has serious anger issues«