Saturday, Kaizer Chiefs arrived to FNB Stadium as the underdogs, the courageous heroes who must undertake an epic quest, beat the odds, and travel through hellfire and brimstone to slay the Dragon at the end of the voyage.
The monster at the gates was both their opponents, Orlando Pirates, who were in good form prior to this match, and the stadium’s huge orange interior.
The Calabash was a riot of sound, with vuvuzelas clamoring for attention, drums reverberating in the distance, voices singing in jubilation, and feet dancing rhythmically, all proclaiming triumph. The crowd’s emotions fluctuated between anger and happiness. A helicopter soared through the thin air of the Highveld, observing the scene from on high.
In such a cauldron, pressure is monitored in BMT rather than barometers.
Pre-game rituals done and dusted …
Let’s get it oh-an#SowetoDerby @IOLsport pic.twitter.com/N3y4TreTqY— Morgan Bolton (@FreemanZAR) October 29, 2022
Simply consult Ashley du Preez. The youthful Chiefs attacker had two opportunities to score within five minutes of each other in the first half, with only Siyabonga Mpontshane to beat.
But Du Preez had unlocked the Necronomicon of South African soccer. As soon as he saw the true face of the Elder God that is the Calabash, he lost his sanity and devised the insanity that will keep you awake when you are alone in bed on nights that can only be caused by such acts of dishonor.
It also caused a degree of insanity among the eager and expectant throng, who groaned and gestured in relief and rage. They are, after all, the eyes of the beast with 100,000 backs, and their mood fluctuates in awe of the ball.
Despite not satisfying the ravenous hivemind, Du Preez roused the slumbering titan beneath. It rears its head, its voice reverberating throughout the stadium as the spectators become enthralled by the spectacle before them.
Up until now, it has simply been foreplay – like Johannesburg’s early spring thunderclouds that promise rain after a dreary winter, only to dissipate into thin air. There is now thunder in the grandstand to match the lightning strikes above the field.
The Calabash is at its peak volume. Even though halftime is approaching, they are eager for what’s to come. There is a feeling that something remarkable looms on the horizon, its masts just above the equator and barely discernible.
The Amakhosi had dominated the game despite beginning as the weaker squad. The Glamour Boys are moving with assurance on a beautiful Johannesburg afternoon, their momentum being outstanding.
Occasionally, they have threatened to erupt with a significant effect, but they have failed to tame the monster of expectation within their stomachs. When it arrives, it is a magnificent release.
Yusuf Maart is in possession in the center of the field when he notices that Mpontshane has gone rogue. He aims a shot at the goal with singular vision and command, lofting it high and proud. It pierces the air and lingers there for all eternity. The beast takes a single, collective, deep breath.
A moment of time stops, and the beast turns its symbiotic head toward the Pirates’ objective while a thousand faces watch. Mpontshane pursues desperately; a section of the living organism wishes for him to defend, while the other majority wishes for him to fail. His soul and body were propelled towards the goal line as he futilely reached higher.
The effort by Maarts is now above him, and with each instant it creeps over his gloved hand. He can only watch in stunned silence as the ball evades his grasp and lands in the back of the net.
The Calabash explodes, its spine rippling with delight as it roars its acceptance. Maart and his teammates embrace the honor and glory of scoring the game’s first goal, the first goal, and the winning goal.
For the following twenty minutes, they subdue pirates and control the Calabash, thwarting every advance by the Bucs. In the end, they triumph over their adversaries and declare a glorious victory.
The Calabash will sleep peacefully tonight, always dreaming of a magnificent Soweto Derby, but awaiting the next opportunity to awaken.