I was in a 14-year relationship with the type of man who put “devoted spouse” in his Twitter bio. Everyone said he adored and cherished me. While I was in my early twenties, he waited at home in London, making lovesick Facebook posts.
My mother warned me that not many men would act in such a way.
She doesn’t realize how fortunate she is, another woman told him with disapproval.
I broke up with this “devoted husband” because he cheated on me. Nonetheless, I was viewed as the bad guy for upsetting a lovely man who “made a dumb mistake.” My sister let him stay with her for three months before lending him an apartment on their property. Just over a year later, my neighbors are still disgusted with me for splitting apart our “happy” family.
He built a brand around me
By oversaturating everyone’s timelines with posts about his unwavering love for me, my ex-husband had actually developed a powerful personal brand. He was the stereotypical “wife guy.”
However, social media does not accurately reflect anyone’s daily activities or interpersonal interactions. The cloyingly romantic graduation pictures and the gushing praise for my accomplishments didn’t make it clear that he wasn’t always at home.
He received a ton of acclaim from online watchers for his oh-so-predictable selfies taken when I was being cut open to birth our baby and he was wearing blue scrubs. However, it went unreported that he was at a holiday party when I returned from the hospital carrying our newborn.
My ex-husband relied on attention and positive comments to his writings, and I think that he secretly yearned to be viewed as a selfless hero. However, as every reader of children’s fairy tales is aware, there is always a villain where there is a hero. While the husband guy has, well, his wife, the “heroic” cops have their “villainous” robbers.
My ex enjoyed the “being a loyal husband” label’s halo effect, which all-too-often erases nearly all unfavorable traits. People were oblivious to his flirtation, excessive partying, and dubious behavior because of his public displays of emotion and “vulnerability.”
They were unaware of his infrequent diaper changes, but whenever he did, he was sure to post a selfie.
Women are expected to devote themselves entirely to their husbands
In contrast, despite his apparent commitment, detractors appeared all too eager to point out my “flaws.”
Working a lot of hours? You don’t have time for him.
Are you at the gym? You are making him feel insecure.
We live in a society that urges women to be grateful for even the most insignificant acts of male attention and aid, such as hollow compliments or bringing out the trash. The bar for guys is so low that even thinking your wife attractive is cause for celebration.
One of the original internet “wife guys,” Robbie Tripp, received praise for an awkward Instagram post about admiring his wife’s “curvy” figure.
Why does society honor a man who admits to having a sexual attraction to his wife as though it makes him a hero?
There is no female counterpart to a wife guy; there is no such thing as a “husband girl.” The reason for this is that society assumes that women will naturally and without hesitation be committed to their spouses.
All we can do right now is wait and hope that the recent antics of Ned Fulmer and Adam Levine will finally put an end to the wife guy era.