The third time I struggled to breathe in the emergency hospital, I began to confront my death.
As a child, asthma forced me to spend a week in an oxygen tent. When my rescue inhaler and nebulizers failed to help my lungs as an adult, I began writing my own obituary unintentionally.
I attempted to avoid contemplating death. However, it persisted in a creepy, dark corner of my imagination.
Americans generally avoid discussing death, as if doing so will call the Grim Reaper. In an April poll done by Chapman University, 29% of respondents reported having a moderate or severe fear of death. According to a 2013 article in Psychology Today, death is the greatest source of anxiety in the United States.
My Spanish class showed me how to celebrate
Halloween is the best time of year to see our culture’s fear of death, as we decorate our yards with skeletons, mummies, and zombies.
However, in my Spanish classroom, we observe differently.
My classroom floor is covered with glitter and brilliantly colored feathers at this time of year. My pupils are completing their sugar skulls for Da de Muertos, which takes place on November 1 and 2. People in Mexico and around the world honor deceased loved ones with altars, marigolds, photographs, gifts, and festivities.
I began introducing Day of the Dead to my Spanish students roughly five years ago. We study how Day of the Dead is observed in Mexico and create skeleton puppets, sugar skulls, and altars. I invite my students to sketch an altar in memory of a deceased family member or friend. We sit in a circle and discuss which objects we would set on an altar to summon our loved ones for a celebratory evening.
According to Mexican tradition, mourning and melancholy would offend the deceased, thus the festivities should be filled with pleasure and laughter.
Once, the Mexican poet Octavio Paz stated: “In New York, London, and Paris, the word “death” is seldom spoken because it causes the lips to boil. The Mexican, on the other hand, visits it frequently, makes jokes about it, caresses it, sleeps with it, and celebrates it. It is one of his most beloved and cherished toys.”
COVID-19 made me reconsider things
Then, COVID-19 emerged. Knowing that a respiratory ailment could increase my risk of illness or possibly death, I contemplated the prospect that I might pass away tomorrow.
Death was no longer an ominous presence that needed to be avoided. It has always existed and always would. This shadow, however, was now decked with flowers, color, and pictures of loved ones.
To overcome phobias, psychologists advocate naming, facing, and reframing our concerns. By exposing the brain to a scary object or event, we can modify our response.
The curator of the Dolores Olmedo Museum, Carlos Olmedo, explains it as follows: “For Mexicans, death was a natural part of existence. For us, it was like going from day to night, so we didn’t feel like we were missing anything; it was simply an additional step.”
Da de los Muertos celebrations with my students and children have helped me reconsider my perspective on death and dying. It no longer feels separate from life, but rather related, as the day and night are connected — it is no longer a loss, but rather another step.