Snow Day (currently on Paramount+) is a musical adaptation of the 2000 “classic comedy” starring Chevy Chase, Chris Elliott (! ), Pam Grier (!) and Iggy Pop (! ). How anyone thought they could improve a film with that cast is beyond me, and now it contains songs, which would have only been an improvement if Iggy had performed at least one of them, but alas. The Godfather of Punk would not have fit with the aesthetic of the remake, which has been put through a Nickelodeon blander (not a typo) so that we can WHATEVS this thing into oblivion. But just WHATEVER is it? I’m here to explore this, my friends.
The Essentials: ONE YEAR AGO begs for a subtitle. It was the greatest snow day ever for Hal (Ky Baldwin) and his younger sister Natalie when around three inches of snow caused school to be canceled (Michaela Russell). However, it is now December in Syracuse, when the temperature is 65 degrees Fahrenheit, and climate change will likely kill us all. Natalie desires a snow day so she may float into Christmas break without having to study for any of her exams. Hal has a massive crush on Claire (Shelby Simmons), but he’s an uncomfortable klutz who slips and spills ice cream on her blouse in a viral video, and anyway, she has a 32-year-old-looking boyfriend named Chuck (Myles Erlick). There is singing and dancing, but it has no significance until Hal and Natalie perform their snow-day singing and dancing, which they think will convince Old Man Winter to dump on them.
It eventually works. Before the snow day occurs, twenty-four of the film’s seventy-seven minutes pass. F— musicals, dude. Constantly halting the plot for a number. And once again, it appears to be around three inches, barely shovelable, but school is canceled, and that’s what matters, not logic or a convincing visual presentation of false snow. Hal tries to earn Claire’s affections, despite the fact that his closest friend Lane (Fabi Aguirre) has had a love on her for, like, FOREVER, and he’s such a charmless schmuck that he doesn’t realize how intelligent and witty she is. Meanwhile, Natalie concocts a scheme to extend one snow day into two, which involves derailing Snowplowman (Jerry Trainor), a kid-hater with a talking AI-robot crow (yeah, sure, why not? ), who basks in the moist comfort of schadenfreude as he clears the roads so that all the local brats must return to school. CHAOS REIGNS, individuals. CHAOS RULES.
What Films Does It Remind You Of? : Snow Day Twenty Twenty-Two is a remake of the original film with a High School Musical gloss.
Aguirre is a natural in front of the camera, and she possesses genuine charisma, unlike many of the other young, freshly scrubbed cast members.
The script’s idea of a dad-gum high-larious moment is a child dressed as a cop-pirate, causing his mother to remark, “Sorry, Johnny Deputy!”
Skin and Sexuality: None.
Since I haven’t seen the original Snow Day, I consulted Roger Ebert, who described it as “an uninspired collection of personalities and tales that interrupt one another until the war against Snowplowman takes over and traps the youthful romance inside.” That would be a rather generous assessment of the musical adaptation of Snow Day, which is an uninspiring collection of characters and musical sequences that doesn’t bother to have Chris “Cabin Boy” Elliott reprise the Snowplowman role – perhaps he finally got a life, rimshot! – and features a teenage romance so mundane we’d rather see it buried in a snowbank and slowly ground to sediment by the ancient, oppressive force of glacial drift.
I enjoyed the softly mischievous spirit of Natalie’s character, a true-form chaos agent in the vein of Louise Belcher, and Lane’s romantic realism. The remainder of this cast, however, consists of huge hair and white teeth spitting forth mediocre songs and corny banter. Hal takes WEEKS to realize the obviousness in front of him, and Natalie is forced to confront Snowplowman in the street, a la Fonda and Brosnan. No one older than ten or younger than nine and seven-eighths is suitable for this shoddy, subpar, low-quality garbage. In summary, next-level WHATEVER.
If a blizzard cancels school, the children should watch something else. SKIP IT.
John Serba is a film reviewer and freelance writer from Grand Rapids, Michigan. More of his art can be seen at johnserbaatlarge.com.