Grief is a common emotion. It is something we all experience, regardless of origin or past experiences. As humans who create intimate ties with others, it is difficult to avoid experiencing grief.
Studies of grieving brains – including scans of regions of the brain that process grief and measurements of the stress hormone cortisol that is released in sadness – reveal no racial, age, or religious disparities. All civilizations experience grief; we all experience sadness, loss, and despair. We just do it and demonstrate it in various ways.
James Averill, a professor of psychology in the United States, has related this phenomenon to sexual sensations, which, like mourning, are physiologically driven yet exhibited in vastly distinct social situations.
Here are few examples that illustrate how grief and mourning can vary greatly based on one’s origin and place of residence.
1. GRIEF IN GROUP IS COMMON
When it comes to mourning in the West, the individual is frequently emphasized. People discuss their particular grief, and counselling is typically scheduled for a single individual; even members of support groups go on an individual basis. However, the reality is that the family, or for many indigenous people, the tribe, grieves collectively, and this is more pronounced in some cultures than others.
In Hindu families in India, for example, relatives and friends gather for a 13-day ceremony to support the immediate family. The wife of a widow’s eldest son becomes the new leader of the home.
Elders of the Lakota tribe say “mitakuye oyasin,” which means “we are all related,” in a manner typical of Native American tradition. The passing of any member of the tribe is felt by everybody.
Scrolls bearing the names of deceased family members in Chinese script.
Scrolls bearing the names of deceased family members in Chinese script. Michael Alamy/Peter Treanor
Following a funeral, the Buddhist period of mourning in Tibet lasts for 49 days. During this time, the family makes clay figures and prayer flags as a means of collectively expressing grief.
In traditional Chinese culture, community grieving is likewise the norm, but the family also takes collective decisions, which may exclude the dying individual. This was depicted in the 2019 film The Farewell, which was based on the life of its director and writer, Lulu Wong. In the film, a Chinese family learns that their grandmother has only a little time to live and resolves to keep her in the dark, planning a wedding to gather before she dies.
2. GRIEVING TIMES VARY BY CULTURE
A gradual restoration to normal functioning after a loss might often take two or more years. Experts no longer speak of “moving on,” but rather view grieving as a means of adjusting to loss while maintaining a relationship with the deceased loved one. Again, however, this differs from culture to culture.
In Bali, Indonesia, grief is brief and weeping is frowned upon. If family members grieve, tears should not fall on the body, as it is believed that this will give the deceased a bad place in heaven. It is believed that prolonged crying summons evil spirits and burdens the deceased’s soul with misery.
In Egypt, weeping for seven years would be considered healthy and natural, however in the United States, it would be considered a problem. Indeed, in the west, acute sadness surpassing 12 months is designated “prolonged grief disorder”.
3. PEOPLE LIKE TO VISIT THE BODY
The manner in which individuals engage with the deceased varies culturally. For instance, the Toraja people on the island of Sulawesi, Indonesia, treat their deceased relative as if they were ill, bringing them food and keeping them company between the death and the funeral.
Catholic women wearing traditional mourning attire
Catholic women wearing traditional mourning attire. Alamy/Hernan Pinera
Europe has unique customs. Until the middle of the 20th century, village women along the Yorkshire coast in the United Kingdom were responsible for laying out the deceased. Friends and family would visit the deceased to offer their condolences and reminisce fond memories. Some countries continue this practice.
In Italy, for instance, a temporary refrigerated casket is provided to the family residence so that guests can offer flowers and pay their respects immediately following a death.
4. SIGNS FROM ABOVE
Some people in the United Kingdom believe that white feathers are messages from heaven, however this belief is typically rejected as childish superstition. However, in a number of African tribes, spiritual connection to the dead is regarded as common and quite real.
The traditional belief in sub-Saharan Africa is that the deceased become spirits yet remain in the living world on Earth. They are considered the living dead. The spirit may manifest in human form in dreams.
5. SENDING ON THE SPIRIT
The indigenous Mori people of New Zealand set aside time for grief and mourning. They perform rituals for the dead using a method known as “tangihanga.” First, rites are performed to send the spirit on its way, and then the body is prepared by an undertaker with the assistance of family members. The deceased’s remains is returned to the family home, where the family will recall and celebrate.
Those wearing wreaths on their heads.
Throughout the tangihanga, mourners wear black clothing and kawakawa leaf wreaths on their heads. A. Alamy/T. Cuff
The elaborate rites consist of dances, singing, and a goodbye address. On display are traditional artifacts like as clothing, weapons, and jewelry. Before the unveiling of the tombstone, there is a ritual cleansing of the deceased’s home and a meal.
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