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It turns out that a wandering eye is not the greatest threat to contemporary sex, love, and comprehension.
According to the psychologists behind a new study, there are six major red signals that most men and women view as deal breakers in romantic partners, and “cheating” is not one of them.
The 2015 study, which was published in the most recent issue of the Personality and Individual Differences journal, examined 285 undergraduate students with an average age of 22 from the United States.
Two rating measures were completed by the participants: the Mate Value Inventory, a 22-item scale of desired attributes ranked by importance, and the Sociosexual Orientation Index, an evaluation of how open they were in partnerships.
Researchers from the University of Liverpool in the United Kingdom investigated the “dissolution of romantic relationships — and friendships” by analyzing “Dark Triad” data to determine the frequency with which undetected “narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy each predicted break-up behavior.”
Here are the warning flags to watch out for while looking for a good committed relationship, whether sexual or platonic.
A spouse who was “addicted” to drink or drugs and/or had a criminal record was regarded as a red sign.
They decided that “apathy,” “gross,” “unmotivated,” “promiscuous,” “clingy,” and “addicted,” which refers to someone with an alcohol or substance abuse issue and/or a criminal record, were the six most alarming warning indicators of a doomed romantic relationship.
The research examined how each red flag varied for long-term versus short-term relationships, as well as between men and women.
When it comes to long-term partnerships, apathy — defined as inattention, indifference, mistrust, and disregard for others’ interests — was viewed as the strongest red sign by both men and women.
In second place was a person who is “gross,” which means they have poor hygiene, are “unattractive,” smell awful, or have certain health conditions such as STDs.
The third-ranked trait, clinginess, was perceived by participants to encompass dominating conduct and excessive jealousy.
One red sign was when a person was “gross,” which meant they had poor hygiene and smelled unpleasant.
Other big red flags in long-term relationships include any type of addiction (third place), a lack of desire, ambition, and financial prospects (fourth place), and finally, being promiscuous, which refers to having sex with or dating multiple other partners.
The rankings were slightly different for men and women in terms of short-term partnerships, with “grossness” coming in first, followed by “clinginess,” and disinterest in third.
While men and women appeared to have similar views on red flags in long-term relationships, they disagreed on whether promiscuity or lack of motivation was more of a deal breaker in short-term relationships.
In a short-term relationship, women saw an unmotivated spouse as more of a turnoff than promiscuity, whereas men viewed promiscuity as worse.
Except for clinginess, those who stated they were open to uncommitted sex rather than a relationship viewed each red sign less strongly.
Overall, women received higher ratings for deal-breakers than males.
The majority of previous study on dating has concentrated on what people desire in a relationship, rather than what they do not want.
In his analysis of the new study, psychiatrist Grant Hilary Brenner told Psychology Today, “Red flags should ideally be identified early on, and not after a significant bond has formed.”
However, he also cautioned that looking primarily for desirable characteristics in a partner at the beginning of a relationship could result in the individual “checking boxes” rather than seeking connection and attraction.
Brenner continued, “In the best of all possible worlds, this research can facilitate positive change for those who raise significant red flags.”
Regardless, it is necessary to approach relationships judiciously throughout the lifespan, considering desirable and unwanted variables, getting to know the other person before going all in, and maintaining self-awareness and compassion.
»Cheating is not one of the six top relationship red flags to watch out for«