DEAR ABBY: I have a 40-year-old single acquaintance. She has quite visible vertical lines between her eyes, which distract significantly from her charming face when she is engaged in intense discussion. She has a modest salary. I’m prepared to pay for her Botox with a gift card or cash. Could you recommend it to her, and if so, how would you do so? — BEAUTY ASSISTANCE IN TENNESSEE
DEAR HELPER: I’m sure you have good intentions, but bringing this to your friend’s notice may make her feel self-conscious. Although Botox treatments can improve a person’s look, the effects are only temporary. To preserve a “fresh” appearance, Botox injections must be repeated, and unless you intend to pay for her Botox indefinitely, you should not gift her something she cannot afford.
DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married for about a year, and in that time I’ve seen a side of my wife that I had never seen before. Although I met her during a sober era, she now drinks. The issue is what she does when drinking. On one occasion, she was had to walk to the market and back. Instead, I discovered her drunk and high in a car with a stranger. She stated that it was too chilly to walk and that she was only attempting to stay warm.
On another occasion, she became intoxicated and had a male friend with whom she had been acquainted in the past pick her up along with all of her stuff, leaving me to watch her drive away with him. She then contacted me from a new man’s apartment, begging me to pick her up and apologizing profusely. I could continue listing similar situations, but my letter would become too lengthy.
The most recent was when she informed me she set a “code” on her phone to prevent me from discovering where she had gone. She had recently disabled location sharing on her smartphone. She claims that she loves me with all her heart and no one else, but I find it difficult to believe. Am I the biggest and stupidest doormat in the world for not divorcing her? (I cannot just turn off my affection for her.) — SUCKER OUT WEST
DEAR “SUCKER”: If you have not already done so, arrange an appointment with your doctor to get checked for any sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) your wife may have transmitted to you after one of her adventures.
This situation will continue until she realizes that her marriage will end if she does not receive assistance for her drinking promptly. The question is if she is willing (or able) to give up her addictions to alcohol, any other substances she may be experimenting with, and sexual activity with other men.
Loving her doesn’t make you dumb or a doormat. However, sooner or later you will have to realize that you cannot heal what is wrong with her, and you will have to determine how much more misery you can endure. Please accept my condolences.