The cold open of NBC’s “Saturday Night Live” lampooned the classified document crisis plaguing the country’s last two presidents.
Mikey Day portrayed Attorney General Merrick Garland as a mischievous, tough-guy-aspiring crimefighter.
“I may look like I was born in a library, but there’s one thing you should know: Merrick Garland doesn’t play,” the phony AG remarked after being welcomed by a Western-inspired theme music with horse whipping sounds.
Garland stated that President Biden and former Vice President Mike Pence’s attorneys had been cooperating with the federal government after being caught with top secret materials, but not former President Trump’s attorney, “who put a horse head in my bed.”
An FBI agent, portrayed by Kenan Thompson, stated that photos of Shania Twain torn from magazines were discovered at the residence of former Vice President Mike Pence.
When asked rhetorically if it was urgent to collect the confidential information from the leaders, Day-as-Garland responded, “I don’t know, but the law requires it. I myself am the law.”
Then, agents portrayed by Kenan Thompson and Ego Nwodim walked up to the platform to tell how their searches of the residences of Vice President Mike Pence and Vice President Kamala Harris were fruitless.
Thompson claimed that the sole unwanted discovery at Pence’s residence was a folder titled “tax stuff” that contained photos of Shania Twain torn from magazines.
The current vice president’s residence was equally devoid of unlawful paperwork.
“Be on your way. Joe Biden won’t even give this woman a pen. “You believe she has classified documents?” asked Nwodim.
During a surprise home inspection, a star-struck agent portrayed by Bowen Yang was enchanted by former President Obama.
Obama shared with Yang some of the 175 letters he had received from Lin Manuel Miranda and bragged about how the two-term Democrat had refused a call from Beyoncé during his stay.
Thompson then returned to the sketch to demand justice for the January 10 police beating death of Tyre Nichols in Tennessee. Five former police officers have been charged with murder in relation to the incident.
The agent asked, “Hey, boss, once we’re done with your paperwork, we’ll head to Memphis and make sure justice is served there as well, right?”
“I certainly hope so,” Day replied.
Michael B. Jordan was the host of the program.
Michael will be the host. He must be joking. “And honestly, Michael is nervous and vulnerable,” he told the live audience, adding, “Michael is in therapy.”
After learning that the handsome “Creed III” presenter was unattached, Chloe Fineman, Heidi Gardner, and Nwodim, all wearing wedding dresses, made desperate attempts to seduce him, but were rebuffed.
Punkie Johnson, a lesbian, admitted that she was “B-curious” about Jordan.
“Even vegans have cheat days, right?” the comedian inquired before touching him shamelessly.
Colin Jost mentioned on “Weekend Update” that Obama, Clinton, and Bush had all released statements denying ownership of the confidential documents.
“In a statement, Jimmy Carter said, ‘Come and get them, you scumbags,’” A visual depicting the 98-year-old armed with a machine gun while standing in front of stacks of documents caused Jost to lose his composure.
The rap artist Lil Baby performed “Forever” and “California Breeze.”
On the February 4 program, the band Coldplay will join actor Pedro Pasca.
»“SNL” lampoons the classified documents issue and calls for “justice” for Tyre Nichols«