6 warning signs for a long-distance relationship


Long-distance relationships necessitate a heightened level of consideration and communication.

Because of this, red signals in long-distance relationships are typically more difficult to recognize.

Long-distance red flags include communication reluctance, gaslighting, and frequent arguments.

Certainly, long-distance relationships are more difficult than local ones, but research indicates that they have the potential for deeper bonding and better communication.

Cheryl Fraser, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and sex therapist, asserts, “All relationships require communication in order to be successful.” “A long-distance relationship only necessitates an increased emphasis on communication. It’s not that it’s a horrible thing; it’s just a challenging connection.”

When obstacles arise in long-distance relationships, communication might become strained, hesitant, or sporadic. And recognizing these red flags while you are not in the same physical place as your partner is essential for resolving any concerns.

Following are six common red signals in long-distance relationships, along with advise from relationship expert Antonia Hall and relationship specialist Fraser on how to address them.

They do not start talks

If your partner is talking with you less frequently, it could be a sign that something is bothering them or that “they are not really invested in the relationship,” according to Hall.

The optimal frequency of communication varies amongst couples. For some, it may involve speaking many times per day. And for some, a nightly check-in may be sufficient.

Fraser suggests checking in each day in the morning and evening, if possible, and preferably via video.

She believes, “Text is the worst medium for anything profound or significant.” “The telephone is an improvement. Ideally, you want recordings from which you can extract social indicators and face expression nuances. You can see each other, allowing for a better read and reducing the likelihood of communication breakdowns.”

Communication feels tiresome.

Communication is essential to a healthy relationship, but if it becomes consistently difficult, exhausting, or downright upsetting, it may be an indication that the long-distance relationship is in peril. Healthy communication should not always feel difficult, but when it does more often than it feels good, this is a warning sign. Ineffective communication can be characterized by an inability to listen, sympathize, or convey without anger.

Whether the issue is light and happy or weighty and serious, Hall says that couples find a good time for communicating, “so that you both have the time and energy for the discussion and are not worried, exhausted, or distracted.”

Choosing a conducive environment for communication is tough, but crucial. She says, “Don’t try to speak it out during personal moments or shortly before bed.” “Allow time and space for each individual to express their emotions.”

Self-care practices before and during challenging conversations may aid in preparation.

She also emphasizes the importance of communicating in a non-judgmental manner. It is preferable to open comments with “I feel” rather than “you make me.”

3. You argue more frequently

The presence of conflict in a long-distance relationship does not inevitably portend disaster.

“Arguments allow people to express and consider other perspectives,” adds Hall. “The ability to respectfully disagree while maintaining an open mind can be a bonding experience that eventually enriches the relationship.”

However, how couples fight is significant. Here are some guidelines:

However, a rise in the frequency or severity of disputes, especially those from which nothing is learnt or built, may indicate that there are problems in a long-distance relationship.

She urges couples to establish a strategy for taking a 30-minute breather when an argument begins to grow, especially over the phone or through video call, because “anxiety may swiftly skyrocket” in such situations.

“This break is medically necessary since it takes around 30 minutes to settle down when one is angry. It requires time for a body in fight-or-flight mode to settle down and for blood pressure to decrease “Fraser asserts.

4. They are unwilling to discuss their life outside of your partnership.

“It is essential for couples in all sorts of relationships to have their own social life, but this is especially true in long-distance relationships,” explains Hall. Having a strong support network makes it simpler to remain apart from a significant other for extended periods of time.

However, reluctance by one spouse to reveal their independent social life may be a relationship red sign.

“Since you do not have the luxury of spending the majority of your time together, honesty and transparency prevent miscommunications,” explains Hall.

Hall advises, “Trust your intuition or gut if something feels amiss with your relationship.” “It could be something in the tone of your partner’s voice over the phone, or an energetic sense that they are emotionally distancing themselves. To read such clues, one need not be in the same physical location.”

5. They deceive you

Gaslighting is a form of manipulative or exploitative communication. This may manifest in a romantic relationship as one partner disregarding the other’s emotions, condemning and judging their actions, or accusing the other of excessive sensitivity or distrust.

A partner in a long-distance relationship might:

They discredit their partner’s opinions and intuition by labeling them insane.
They deny that their partner feels the way they claim they do.
To manipulate the information a partner gets and analyzes, one must lie.
Redirect blame for toxic conduct by identifying the other partner’s reaction to the behavior as the issue.

The repercussions of gaslighting on mental health can be severe: When one partner is pressured to constantly second-guess their own ideas and impulses, anxiety, low self-esteem, sadness, and a diminished feeling of self-control can result, among other negative outcomes.

Fraser states that gaslighting is focused and consistent. It can also lead to self-doubt and insecurity, as well as a cycle of harmful or violent behavior.

You feel anxious prior to communicating with them.

The presence of butterflies prior to a conversation with your lover is distinct from a feeling of dread.

“Clear your mind and be upfront with yourself about why you are feeling anxious,” advises Hall. Determine whether the concern stems from a lack of trust or apprehension about the future of the partnership.

To deal with relationship anxiety in a healthy manner, you should be able to collaborate with your spouse to reduce any unwarranted anxiety.

“Be sincere and courteous with your partner about the source of your concern,” advises Hall.

Individually, partners can also manage their fear by rewriting their negative assumptions. This requires communicating our demands to our partners and then allowing them to respond with good-faith attempts, according to Fraser, rather than assuming their negative intentions immediately.

For example, if one partner requests more frequent communication throughout the day and the other replies by sending more heart emojis despite a hectic schedule, this displays effort and should be seen positively rather than with suspicion.

If these communication tactics fail to satisfy the requirements of both partners and the worry persists, this is a huge warning sign that the long-distance relationship is in peril.

Insider’s takeaway

Frequently, red flags in long-distance relationships are associated with commitment, trust, and communication issues: Either neither spouse initiates discussion, communication is taxing, or it regularly results in pointless conflict.

In addition to gaslighting and an unwillingness to discuss life outside the partnership, other red flags include:

Not only are these potential red flags that may indicate serious problems in a long-distance relationship, but they can also provoke anxiety and fears that erode one or both partners’ sense of self and threaten their mental health and wellness.

If a sexual or romantic connection isn’t working out but you’re still interested in getting to know each other, it’s acceptable to transition to a platonic friendship. Each relationship is unique, and you and your spouse are the experts on your own requirements.

Reporter, Insider Reviews, Freelance

Alesandra Dubin is a Los Angeles-based news and lifestyle editor and writer. She has covered travel, food, events, fashion and beauty, entertainment, home, parenting, and viral content for consumer and business audiences for more than fifteen years. Her work has featured in numerous online and print publications, including Town & Country, Esquire, Cosmopolitan, Good Housekeeping, Parents, E!, BravoTV.com, BuzzFeed, and TODAY.com. Alesandra holds a master’s degree in journalism with a concentration in cultural reporting and criticism from New York University and a bachelor’s degree from the University of California, Berkeley. She travels the globe with her spouse and twin children. Learn more about how Insider’s team of experts evaluates and assesses items here.


↯↯↯Read More On The Topic On TDPel Media ↯↯↯